Lizard

I got my mother a lizard for Mother's Day! So, I was gonna get her a bird, 'cause she's always wanted a bird. But we already have a cat, a dog, and a guinea pig, and she said that a bird would A) be too much work and B) it would be impossible to keep the cat away from it. So I went with a lizard, instead. I thought it would be relatively simple. We already have an old tank, so I figured I'd just go buy the lizard, some bedding, and some food and then I'd call it a day.

WRONG.

So I get to the store, and then I realize that I don't actually have a lid for the tank (it was previously a fish tank). Okay, so I get the lid, and that's about ten dollars. The lizard itself is also ten dollars. I start to read the little pamphlet to figure out what this thing needs. Well, turns out that I need a twenty-five dollar heating lamp so that it can have a "basking area". Fine. So then, logically, I need to buy the twelve dollar thermometer/hydrometer gizmo to make sure that the thing is actually getting enough heat. But then I needed to get it a five dollar climbing vine so it could "have a high escape/hiding spot". Did I mention that it also needed a seven dollar log 'toy' to keep itself occupied? *sigh* Okay. So I finally start reading the food requirements. The pamphlet says to get crickets and/or mealworms. So I grab a bottle of dried crickets and a ten dollar sack of bedding and I head up to the register to claim my lizard. The pet store lady is looking over my purchases and she says, "Oh, they won't eat dead crickets. You have to get live ones." *shudders* FINE. I'll get the damn live crickets. But then, not only do I have to buy five dollars worth of crickets, I also have to buy the six dollar plastic house to put them in. And then I had to buy..... CRICKET FOOD.

Yes, that's right. I had to buy food for the food. So I pick up the four dollar "cricket gel" and I think that I'm finally done. Oh, but then the lady says, "Well... it's really better if you get some mealworms too, that way he'll have a little variety in his diet." Fine. FINE. FINE! I'll get the mother effing mealworms at five dollars/fifty worms. I say to the lady, "Wow, I didn't think this would be so complicated." And she says to me, "If you wanted simple, you should've gotten a bird."

*headdesk*

Oh, well. She did give me life and all that jazz, so I guess it's still a good deal on my end.